Hey, I just got the coolest christmas gifts from my trainer. She got me a bunch of tealights and a couple of those big huge Guy Type column candles for my desk. I had texted her the other day hinting (ok, outright asking for them) and today she hooked me up.
Then… then… she gave me my birthday gift. She got me a thumb ring made of some sort of special metal from metalsmiths in west edmonton mall. I’ve promised to get her my DVD of “the secret” as a christmas gift for her. I’ve told her to watch it a number of times because of how powerful the secret really is.
I had a really shitty christmas last year when I was with my girlfriend. I spent a lot of time and energy (and love) to create an amazing gift for her and I got a toy car and some personal toiletries. Kinda wrecked the energy that year for me and I should have know we weren’t on the same page.
So this year, I am already so thrilled with my christmas gift. Not quite a homemade christmas gift idea, but awesome, amazing. I’m very happy.
Update: I realize now after I wrote this post and got the comment, that I had not considered what the intention was around the toy car. And also that I celebrated Christmas in Arizona a few weeks later and got one of my most prized possessions, a very special earring. This earring has gotten my more touches from women as well as comments due to it’s special design. I’ve worn it faithfully now for almost a year and I see no time soon in which I will change it up. Thank you for the great gift Sonja.
“I had a really shitty christmas last year when I was with my girlfriend. I spent a lot of time and energy (and love) to create an amazing gift for her and I got a toy car and some personal toiletries.”
Wow. Strangely, I happen to be wearing my beautiful necklace right at this moment which I indeed deeply cherish as it holds very clean and treasured energy for me from our relationship – one that I count myself blessed and grateful to have had. This is something I have expressed to you more than a few times â€“ with a most open and wounded heart â€“ for in our time I genuinely believed in us, I believed in you, I believed all that you presented to me in your vision of a life together.
Even when it wasnâ€™t flowing peacefully.
Even when it was painful and when I identified our challenges to you and asked for us to work together to make things better.
Even when I was brave enough to be the one to broach difficult subjects that needed discussion when I would have preferrd not to.
You neglected to mention the surprise half birthday party that I was so excited to throw for you at camp last year, knowing how much you hate your birthday being on Christmas. You neglected to mention a few of the homemade gifts, and the symbolism behind the â€˜toy carâ€™ â€“ being the Corvette that I know is one of your big dreams. My intent was certainly not to offend you with at toy car â€“ but to envision you one step closer to a big dream which I knew meant a lot to you. Funny how you never told me how much it bothered you at the time. I could have at least had the opportunity to apologize to you for disappointing you with your Christmas gift. I am sorry to hear you were disappointed so deeply. I understand you were angry I went away last Christmas. I did my best to explain to you how much it meant to me to follow through on a commitment and goal to myself to visit my Grandmother before year end.
I also believed that you had received my heartfelt communications about us, about my love for you, about my great respect and honour for your request to always be honest with you, which sadly ended in a result that I am aware hurt you. I have apologized for the hurt I have caused, but will never apologize for being honest and following what I felt was the right decision for both of our lifeâ€™s journeys. I worked hard on us Rob. I put in 100% and did not give up easily. I know I am far from perfect. I know I made mistakes, I also know I apologized for them. I know you gave me everything you had. I felt your heart so fully, so deeply, which is why I have only love and treasured memories left in my heart â€“ no anger, no resentment, no regret, no blame.
I recall being very open with you even just recently at how much I learned, grew, appreciated, and cared for you and am grateful for the time we had together. I recall you once telling me that you would always want me to be honest with you â€“ even if I knew it would not be what you wanted to hear. It seems to me that perhaps that was untrue â€“ with your harboured venom towards me now I wonder if you would have preferred Iâ€™d not been truthful with you.
I please request, if you have strong unresolved anger towards me, and things that you wish to vent, that you please feel completely free to express them to me directly and with great passion and honesty. I welcome your rage, your feelings, your unheard disappointments, your expression, directly to me â€“ as I feel the passive aggressive approach is not a â€˜higher consciousnessâ€™ way of being. I too, agree that â€œThe Secretâ€ is a wonderful film, and embrace the concepts within. I have forgiven- myself and you – and sent so much love, energy, and kind thoughts to you as it seems to me that is what is done for a great Love.
I shared some very personal and raw parts of myself with you â€“ some in my writing â€“ in an attempt to reveal to you the depths of my soul and my offer of peace. The best way I knew to give you the nakedness of my feelings was to let you know the sadness, the pain, the self-torment, the appreciation, the many times spent thinking and writing about you.
I trusted that you had listened to, and taken in my very raw and honest genuine communication to you of how very very much I appreciate your friendship. It seemed to me that we had a wonderful ability to spend time peacefully in mixed company recently with ease and grace, something that I took great care to call you up afterwards and thank you for as I actually took your friendship as genuine.
If it is not â€“ then please spare me false smile and pleasantries.
My true heartfelt desire for you is for a wonderful holiday season, and a New Year filled with adventure, joy, successes, prosperity, passion, authenticity, abundance, peace, and great love.
I will reiterate Rob, how much I care for and love you, though I am deeply sorry it is not in the way you wished it to be as your life partner.
I am honoured to have been given the gift of your heart and of your love. I will treasure it always.
Thank you Sonja for your feedback. I told someone just recently how much the surprise half birthday meant to me. It was one of the highlights of my year. I remember that I told you I wanted to celebrate it and then let go of it, and you prepared it for me.
I truely was surprised and very happy.
My post and picture from that day are here: Summer Birthday.
Also, as you know, I hate Christmas Sonja, and my comments in this post reflect the negative emotions I experienced, not the good ones. It was just the mood I was in when I posted it.